I said “No” twice in one day. Believe me – this was no small accomplishment. My husband doubts that I’ve said no more than twice in my entire life. Need a volunteer – just ask me. Need an idea or some advice – just reach out. Need a helping hand – look me up.
I love to help others, to see them succeed. I like to bring value and service. That is the bright side of saying yes.
However, there are implications for being a perpetual “yes” person. I get overextended. I lose sleep or precious time for other things. I lose focus on what I really need to get done.
Those are the implications – but there is also a dark side of saying yes. It feeds my ego that someone wants me. I mistakenly believe that I could do this better than anyone else. I worry that someone will think poorly of me or be mad at me if I say no.
I’ve resolved to say “no” more often – especially to those things that I would enjoy or would bring value but are not aligned with more core purpose and vision.
So yesterday, when I got a request to help a new non-profit develop a strategy and plan – I took a deep breath. Did I have the skill? Yes. Did I want to help? Yes? Did it fit in with my core purpose? No.
And then I re-framed the request. What if, by not doing it myself, I could still add high value, perhaps even higher value? Instead of taking it on, I provided three wonderful options to them – all skilled resources, all at no cost to them, complete with contact names and phone numbers. I helped them more by saying no.
Later in day, at the conclusion of my Introduction to Entrepreneurship class at Purdue, a student bounded over to me with great enthusiasm and a name and phone number neatly written on a piece of paper. I really needed to talk to his mom, I was perfect for what she needed. He could tell what a good thing it would be for both of us. Turns out his mom was doing multilevel marketing.
It wasn’t hard, in this case, to say no to the opportunity. What was hard was to say no to the student and not squelch his enthusiasm. In the past, I most likely would have made the call and tried to find a graceful excuse at that time. Yesterday, however, I was polite, but clear that I had no interest. He persisted. I stayed firm. And as I walked away, I was glad that I had not wasted my time – or his mother’s.
2 Responses
Whether it was nature or nurture or some combination of both, I came to adulthood as a perpetual “yes” person too. While I’ve not perfected the art of “no,” I have been practicing a bit here and there. Sometimes I feel a little guilt. More often, though, I feel like you did after staying firm with your student – that I saved both my own and the other person’s time for something more meaningful. Thanks for sharing, Kris.
Thanks for the reminder that saying “yes, however…” and redirecting or offering an alternative can be just as giving and helpful and maybe more so.