When I first saw the Cherokee Proverb: “Don’t let yesterday use up too much of today.” on a refrigerator magnet, I knew I must have it. It reminds me to let go, to move on, to guard my precious energy, time and thoughts on the present. It also causes me a bit of remorse, as I have spent far too much precious time brooding, reviewing, hashing over the past. I could nurture small slights and percieved personal injustices until they had a life of their own. A small comment, uttered in 15 seconds, could result in hours of time replaying the comment, being indignent about the percieved slight, thinking up what I should have said in response, dreaming up what would be just atonement for the injustice. Problem was – the person that uttered the comment was spending zero time agonizing over their deed – and I was in a spiral of fretting, negative energy and unproductive venting (much to the dismay of my friends, I’m sure). You can only imagine what my mind did with bigger problems, challenging situations and people. And I’m embarrased to admit that some of the rehashing and agonizing haunted me for years.
Learning to let go is freeing – it frees my energy, it allows me to focus on more postive things, it robs the person that inflicted the hurt the power to inflict ongoing harm. Yet letting go is not easy – as I still have an overwhelming desire that things be set right and that I be vindicated.
Here are some ways in which I’ve gotten better (note I am better – not perfect) at letting go:
- Notice the time and energy I am spending (and the frequency). Ask: Is this worth the time and energy I am spending on it?
- Ask myself: What might be some other “stories” I could tell myself about this situation or person?
- Ask: What do I know for sure? What might I not know that impacts this situation?
- Spend 15 mintues getting all my angst on paper. Not pretty – not nice – ugly at times. Once it is out on paper, promptly destroy the paper.
- Make a list of 5 ways I could deal with this situation in a healthier manner. Then pick one and do it.
I usually move through these steps in exactly that order. If one doesn’t work to allow me to let go, I try the next. I reserve the final two steps of venting on paper and putting together a plan to for only my biggest and thorniest challenges.
My next challenge: managing the planning part of my nature so that I can learn to let go and be more spontaneous (not spending too much time in the future). I think that is for another day.
