As a leader or someone in a professional occupation, publicly (or even personally) admitting you don’t know something can feel shameful. We say to ourselves that we should know. We convince ourselves that other competent folks would know. We are fearful that others might think less of us.
Publicly admitting “not knowing” is an act of extreme vulnerability. It means giving up the pretense that we are all knowing. It seems to invite a sense of “less than”.
That’s what we think many times. In truth, it is that act of vulnerability that opens us up for greater connection, learning, and possibility. For years, I’ve taught the power of claiming “not knowing” as we explore how to build higher levels of trust. Counterintuitive, I know.
Below are three ways that “not knowing” can give you a leadership advantage.
“Not Knowing” Builds Trust
As I teach others how to build trusted consulting relationships, there is always a moment of shock when I assert that saying to a client that you don’t know builds trust. And invariably, as people try it, they come back amazed that it is actually true – admitting not knowing increased rather than decreased trust.
By looking deeper into this, you can see why. If you are vulnerable enough to claim you don’t know, others can trust that when you say you do know, you really do know. Now, think about a leader engaged in chest puffing bravado in spite of the fact that it was clear they did not know. Can you see why saying you don’t know can build trust?
Of course there is a caveat – not knowing must be followed by exploration to indeed know.
“Not Knowing” Creates Curiosity
When one is a lower state of thinking (sadness, fear, anger frustration), the shift into a state of curiosity is a solid movement into higher level of thinking and improved healthy functioning. Rather than swirling in frustration over a disagreeable co-worker, the energy and focus shifts when we ask instead: “I am curious about what might change the way we interact?” Or when faced with what appears to be an intractable problem, asking “What is one thing we could try to make this better?”
The idea of not knowing emerged again as I read the book Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind by Yuval Noal Harari (don’t be fooled by the term brief – the book is a mere 428 pages). Harari asserts that it was the European’s comfort with “not knowing” and their curiosity that fueled their ability to create a far flung empire that lasted over 300 years – in spite of other civilizations have far more people, more resources, greater armies and at times, proximity.
They explored vast unknown portions of the world, bringing along archeologists, anthropologists, botanists and zoologists. They came, they conquered, they studied, they learned. And none of this would have been possible without a mindset of “not knowing” coupled with a curiosity and discipline to “know more”.
Science is based on “not knowing”. We propose a hypothesis and experiment. We work in the unknown, testing and testing again until knowledge emerges. At times, the only knowledge that is forthcoming is adding to what we don’t know. But with diligence and rigor, discoveries are made. Diseases are cured. Man walks on the moon. All because we had the courage to say we didn’t know and the audacity to find out.
“Not Knowing” is Part of Having a Vision
Yet, today within professional occupations and leadership there is increasing pressure to maintain the façade of expertise, wisdom, and knowledge. The pressure for leaders is both within and without. In times of uncertainty, the people want leaders who know the way, have the answers, and can make things better. The idea that those in leadership roles may “not know” is unsettling.
Yet people trust and follow others that that are truthful, and the plain truth is – we don’t always know. No one person does. And the thornier the challenge, the newer the path, the bigger the vision – the more likely it is that we don’t know.
People will follow those with a vision, and by the very nature of a vision, it is unclaimed and uncharted territory.
So rather than expecting ourselves or others to know they way, perhaps we should instead put our trust in those who don’t know the way but are unrelenting in finding a way. Those who ask good questions, who are curious, who study the situation from many angles and perspectives, who learn and learn quickly. Those who are willing to experiment, knowing that any one experiment may not provide the answer, but moves us forward into deeper insights and wisdom.
Because “not knowing” does not imply that we cannot know. The key is to turn “not knowing” into curiosity which then leads to discovery. And as these things work, knowing something better typically uncovers even more that we don’t know. And so, the cycle continues.
Now go and “don’t know”.
