False Equivalencies

I would bet that if you asked 10 people that I hang out with how they are, they would reply in one of two ways. They are either busy or good. Both are somewhat ritualistic, but at the core they are code for a false equivalency.

Many are truly “busy”.  Indeed, swamped or overwhelmed may better describe the situation. Yet the hidden message behind busy can be that they are:

• Important
• Needed
• Indespensible
• Valued
• In demand
• Prosperous (especially for entrepreneurs)

The same thing happens with “good”.  There are times I reply “good” when a more accurate assessment would be quite the opposite. Yet to be good implies that I am:

• Happy
• Healthy
• Balanced and in control
• Immune to life’s challenges and disappointments
• Doing the right things to deserve the right to be “good”

Granted, these are trivial social conventions on the surface. Yet when I peel back a layer, I know that I tend to equate busyness with importance and being wanted and needed. Funny thing is, that I could just as easily equate busyness with the inability to manage time, schedule and demands. But since I falsely equate busy with valued,  I worry that no one wants my services or my time when my schedule is not filled to bulging.

When I look deeper at “good”, I realize that I carry a belief that if your life is not going as planned and you are up against some tough stuff, that somehow you have done something to deserve the misfortune.  I will admit that sometimes my screw-ups do result in bad times. But I also know that misfortune, loss and pain are equal opportunity employers – that no degree of success, planning or rightness protects you from all of life’s calamities. Therefore, the real question is – when life’s down times happen (and they will) – can I accurately sort out what I set in motion and what is happenstance – and refuse to fall into the trap of thinking that smart, successful and happy folks don’t also have their share of bad days?

So I vow to challenge my assumptions that busy = valued and that good = deserving of happiness. Maybe some days when you ask me how I am, you might hear other words – like:

• Content
• Happy
• Confused
• Sad
• Joyful
• Excited
• Curious

Or any number of other adjectives that better describe my current state… no matter what that is.