Problem 1: The Metaphor is Misleading
Who does not want to be balanced? It implies a state of equilibrium, a state of perfection with work and life evenly distributed on both sides. The metaphor brings to mind a plank on a fulcrum – similar to the old seesaws from playgrounds of my youth. 
There are two sides and the ride is pleasant only if the weight on either side is plus or minus some small amount. Truth be known – I had more unpleasant experiences on seesaws than happy ones – as the chances of finding someone just my size was difficult. And kids being kids, I can recall all too many times when the balance shifted way too fast, causing me to slam to the ground, and resulting in pain or injury.
Other examples of balance are equally problematic. Certain poses in yoga, the beam in gymnastics, skateboards, walking along the top of a fence – all require balance. And all are tenuous positions – held precariously for a few moments before toppling over.
This idea of balance never seems to be anything near what I experience in my many years of having career, family, home, and community service all compete for my time and attention. Balance implies harmony and equilibrium. I envision a zen-like state of perfection, in which all elements of my life are perfectly balanced. Just as with the yoga pose, I might attain this state for moments, but ongoing attainment of perfect balance eludes me, time and time again. More often my experience is disequilibrium, struggling to right myself, feeling the constant tug of competing demands.
Hence my first issue with “work-life balance”: Perfect balance is fleeting and unreflective of the real world.
Problem 2: It implies that work and life are two distinct things.
Work-Life. One or the other. Two different things. Does that mean work is not life? Or that life is different than work? Big problem for me – as, in my experience, they are totally intertwined – so much that if I had to, I could not tear them apart. This implies a two-dimensional view, and my world view says it is much richer, fuller and multidimensional than that.
I prefer to think of work as an integral part of my life, with lots of overlapping elements – work, family, friends, community, nature, hobbies, fitness, learning, travel. A metaphor I prefer is more circular, with work as one element of the whole. It gives shape and meaning to the whole, to who I am and how I contribute to the world. Even in the times where I held jobs that were menial or not terribly fulfilling, work was still an integral part of my whole life, with the purpose being to sustain myself or my family with the basics of food and shelter.
Problem 3: It is static. It does not account for ebb and flow, seasons, time.
There may have been a few, brief moments in time where it was all perfectly balanced… work was well taken care of, my family was attended to, my home was in order, I had just the right amount of community work, and I adequately nourished myself. If so, they were fleeting, as I can’t bring any of them up as examples.
Instead, I vividly recall times in which family trumped everything – the birth of my children, dealing with the death of my mother, cleaning up after a tornado, parenting active high schoolers. More often, I’ve experienced time in which work has consumed me – high demand jobs, starting two businesses, having lots of juicy client projects.
I think the metaphor that best describes my approach to working and living is one of the tides. Work and life ebb and flow; at times there is more of me focused on work, at other times on the rest of my life. At times I feel as if I am drowning in work, almost as if a tsunami has hit. Yet experience has taught me that these crushes recede, the water calms, and the beach reappears.
I’ve gotten better over time at seeing the patterns, and knowing that the current state, not matter what that is, will change in some way. Work projects get done, kids grow up, family crises get resolved.
So What?
So I propose we stop talking about work-life balance, and instead acknowledge that we are multidimensional beings who have changing needs, interests and demands. Our lives and how we choose to spend our time shifts over days, weeks, months and years. There is an ebb and flow to where we spend time and energy, and a seasonality to our focus. Being multidimensional means that no one thing (work, family, learning, playing, or community) should consume us over long periods of time, as we are more than just “one” thing. Acknowledging ebb and flow does give us the freedom to say that for periods of time, one part of our life may consume more – and others less. But we know that the tides turn and the landscape shifts, and that we will flow into that next state of being.
And since I HATE work-life balance, I’d love to have a more accurate metaphor for how to successfully navigate all the various roles we take on. Any ideas?
5 Responses
How about ‘Balanced life?” About 40 years ago I took a time management class and one thing has stuck with me — manage your time with the objective of doing what’s “Most important now.” That is, know your obligations, set your priorities and then do what is most important. Sometimes that’s work, sometimes its’s family, sometimes it’s personal but don’t let those things you have designated less than “most important” for that period of time distract you from what is most important for that moment.
Touche! My 2 cents: Work-life balance is – and always has been – a myth perpetrated on working women, in particular. I think the metaphor is LIFE. Choosing how, when, where and with whom we spend our time is life. Thanks for your thoughts. They’re a great reminder to all of us.
I definitely agree that the concept of “work-life balance” is terribly problematic, particularly in the way you describe “Problem 2: It implies that work and life are two distinct things.” Personally, I like the concept of life balance, because there is a need to challenge oneself to align your life with your values, and those values can and should include where one chooses to spend one’s time and get reimbursed for it (aka work). The balance is not life vs. work. It is a challenge to make sure that I am spending the appropriate amount of time at this time of my life for those values I hold dear. It recognizes that this ebbs and flows over time, and that two children of equal weight on a see-saw are always in balance, no matter who is up or down at the moment. They have fun when they are in motion, ebbing and flowing.
For me I look at this issue as Life Choices. I agree with problem #2 in that it is all my life, whether I’m at work, family time or community service, they are all places and people I want to be with. Since I do have limited time to spend with all of them I have to make a choice of where will I spend my time. Also agree that it must be fluid as to which takes priority, like coming to work with a deadline close only to get a call that one of my daughters was hurt at school–if I choose work does that mean I’m not honoring my top value of Family? No just means that my wife and I have to look at both of our work priorities to decide which of us keeps work as a priority in that moment.
My family is young and transitioning into the school routine quite well. Things run quite smoothly because my wife and I are both self employed/business owners. Prior to running our own company, I worked for a large university, and she was a stay at home mother. Reflecting back on that time in our lives, the separation of work and life was extremely difficult. It created a resentment towards my work taking up so much of my life, which I would rather be with my family. Life is much easier now. Our company is operated out of our home office/studio and we see each other, as well as our child, significantly more. This has allowed us all to have a stronger family bond and be much happier individuals as well. I don’t see a separation between work and life anymore. I am simply living my life and doing what I enjoy.
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