Just Ask

I could tell on day one that hiring Abby as a summer intern was a good decision. Yet the funny thing was that I had not intended to hire an intern. But through a series of people who took a risk and “asked” – here she was.

It started when Abby, a college junior, was curious about a really cool job listed on the resume of someone she was interviewing for a campus position. She did some research. And she thought she might like to work for Russell Martin and Associates too. So she asked that fellow student about it. Turns out, the owner of the firm, Lou Russell, was her mother. Abby asked if she was hiring an intern. The question was posed to Lou, who then got creative and devised a “share an intern” program where Abby rotates between three firms, including mine.

This is the third time I’ve seen college students successfully identify an opportunity they wanted, reach out to the person and ask if they would consider hiring them as an intern. And each time there were wonderful results. All more often though, I see my college students (and others) hesitate to ask a bold question to move them toward something they would like.

Why do we hesitate to ask bold questions? Why don’t we identify what we want and then ask for it? I think there are four basic reasons:

They might say no
They might say yes
They might think less of me
They might think I am overstepping

In reality, it is our inner dialog that holds us back – in spite of the answer. We translate the possible outcome into these faulty conclusions:

A no is a rejection of who I am
A yes opens possibilities that scare me
They might think I am stupid, inadequate or inferior in some way by my asking
The might think I am too bold, too presumptuous, too daring by my asking

And yet, time and time again, I am surprised by people’s willingness to help, their generosity, and by how many times they do say yes. Far too often it is our inability to ask the bold question that gets in our way than other people’s recalcitrance or reaction.

In reality: