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When 2 Minus 1 Equals 4: The Paradox of Giving and Receiving

Yesterday I went to yoga class, toting my brand new mat. It was soft and spongy. It was teal, one of my favorite colors. It was a gift from my son, Brad, which made me think of him throughout practice. And so that evening I jotted off a quick text saying how much I appreciated his gift. His response was immediate:

A quick exchange no doubt. None the less, deep truths revealed. Quite simply:

Giving enriches both the receiver and the giver

In a physical sense, Brad was out a few bucks as the giver, and I gained a material possession. He had less, in a physical sense, and I had more. He lost; I gained.

On a far more profound level, we are both richer. I am touched that he knew me well enough to pick a great gift. Every time I roll out this mat, I’ll be reminded of him, his sense of humor, and our mutual love. The mat becomes something more – an expression of something without shape or form, but profound.

I can’t speak for how Brad feels as the giver; yet reflecting on this simple interchange, I recalled the numerous times that I was much richer for the giving.

In a business lens, we are inclined to a stricter interpretation of the math. If we give, our accounting says we log a debit. If we receive, a credit. We are trained to preserve our assets at all costs and to focus on receiving only. Or in business parlance: Drop money to the bottom line.

After being in business for many years, I’ve begun to see a different story. For example, at some point, RR Donnelley invested in me and my training. There was out of pocket tuition, there was travel expense, there was lost productivity. I’m certain there was a short term ROI, but what I am seeing now, is the longer term, more intangible, less quantifiable ROI of their investment. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t use some part of the learning provided to me by my employers, many years ago. It’s become a part of who I am. I live it. I share it. And the value continues to multiply – for myself and others.

The notion that giving might enrich you as well as the receiver is counterintuitive, I know.

Re-framing Giving and Receiving

Widespread beliefs show up like these:

As an employee – “That’s not MY job.”  Or in other words, don’t do more than they ask you without compensation or you will be taken advantage of.

As a consultant – “Ensure they pay for what they get.” Or in other words carefully define your scope, track your time and don’t give more than asked for or paid for. And don’t forget to guard your intellectual property fiercely.

As an employer – “People as an expense, a liability.” Or in other words pay as little wages as you can to control costs. Only reward the high achievers. Drive wage costs out at any cost.

As a corporation – “The only thing that matters is our bottom line.” Or in other words, enriching the financial wealth of stockholders is the one and only focus. Never mind about our impact to communities, or stakeholders, our employees or the environment.

If you buy my early premise that giving enriches both the giver and the receiver, we can re-frame these mindset.

As an employee: “My work matters in helping us succeed.” Or in other words, knowing that your fate it tied to the overall well-being of the larger enterprise. And recognizing that those that show initiative are those that are rewarded over time.

As a consultant – “Do what is right to deliver what the client needs.” Or in other words, teach others how you do what you do. Define scope, but don’t be locked into it all the time. And in the end, know that this is what leads to good results and to repeat business and referrals.

As an employer: “Those that work with us are whole human beings, with talents, gifts, abilities and frailties as well.” Or in other words, people are not “expense items” or untrustworthy or “capital”. Knowing that over time, your best competitive advantage may be a workforce that is committed, capable and willing to go the long haul with you.

As a corporation: “Financial profitability is only one way to measure our value.” Or in other words, we work to achieve a mission or purpose that is greater than mere dollars. We have stakeholders in the community, both local and global, who, by our actions, can be mutual actors in creating good for many. We have employees, whom we give employment to and whom we provide a living for. We use environmental resources and must take care to sustain them for long term sustainability. Hint: many corporations “get this” – they call this the triple bottom line.

I do want to end with this caveat. As will all things, there are real risks to extremes on either end. Giving too much causes us to become depleted, resentful and burn out. To only receive is to become a victim, to be dis-empowered.

The giving and receiving I am advocating is done freely with caring. It is done without an express desire to have a long term ROI. It may; it may not; and either way is fine. It is done to enrich to receiver, rather than the giver; but lives in the wisdom that giving can enrich both giver and receiver.

If you’d like to see how we view giving at Evergreen, you can view this short video to learn about our approach.

Even more importantly, I’m curious to know how you approach giving. Please share!


Remarkable women leaders, join us for a 24-hour multigenerational retreat experience on May 4-5, 2017 at Wooded Glen Retreat Center.

During our time together, you will work, play, and honor your mind, body, and spirit with a transformative program. Experience influential relationship building, mastermind, small group, and full leadership sessions, delicious food and restful
accommodations.

Learn more at http://remarkablewomenleaders.com/.

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