In my executive coaching I see plenty of folks plagued with this problem: They are smart. They have deep expertise in their field. They are competitive and are on the hunt for the next promotion. And they have an almost uncontrollable need to prove just how brilliant they are. Unfortunately, these actions work against them. Even when they are smart and capable and driven.
A few weeks ago I friend told me she was “so proud of my success” – which gave me pause. Was I really successful? By whose measure? Why did it make me uncomfortable to consider myself successful?
And in that same day I stumbled across the notion of a continuum of success – that we move from Survival to Stability to Success and finally to Significance. I thought it would be a fine thing to blog about – but the reality is that I’ve struggled for two weeks to pull together some cogent thoughts about the topic.
None the less – the time has come to share. So this post will be a combination of known and unknown, comfort and discomfort. And with that, I’m hoping to spark a conversation so that your thoughts can help me make more sense of this topic.
Skeptics and cynics share some things – both question, both challenge, both share doubt openly. As such, we tend to cast folks that raise objections, challenge our plans or thinking or ask difficult questions in a negative light. We avoid them. Un-invite them to meetings. Find ways to silence them. Avert eye contact. Roll our eyes. Sigh deeply. Run the other way when we see the coming.
Today, I challenge you to refine your approach. To discern if those that are asking questions are skeptics or cynics. For while both will challenge and question, past that – the similarities wane and diverge in significant ways.
As some level, I think every one of us knows that the old notions of stability are fiction. That the pace of change is breakneck, coming so fast and furious that we can’t assimilate and accommodate or make sense of it all. That the longevity of our position, our career, our company, our product, or our gadgets are measured at best in years, more likely in months and very seldom in decades. Love it or hate it – we need to reconcile that unrelenting change is the new normal.
Today is a milestone birthday for me. I turn 60. I must admit that I I sailed past 30, 40 and 50 with little angst. Turning 60 has been a different story. A dash of disbelief. An avalanche of anxiety. A rash of reflection. And more than a bit of panic about too much to do and too little time to do it in.
And in that reflection I’ve come to the realization that 60 is better than 16. Read on to find out why.
In my last post, I explored the idea of success and how it is defined. But I recognize that there is something at work that may rob you of the sweet joy of success, no matter how successful you are. It is called the Imposter Syndrome. There are a number of coping strategies we imposters employ. I have all of them in my repertoire – and am an expert at a few of them!
Female leaders who command are called names I can’t print. Men who emote are seen as weak and ineffectual. Which brings us to the classic question: Are gender differences genetic or learned? Nature or nurture? Hardwired or socially scripted? Scientists have struggled with this question for centuries. I don’t have the answer, but I do have some observations based on the statistical concept I call the “tyranny of the tails” that may provide some insight.
A dear friend, Marcia Nellans, sent me a little two minute clip filmed in Glasgow, called The Power of Words. I’ve been thinking about it ever since. Spend a moment and tell me the thoughts it provokes for you.
Perhaps not hate – but dislike strongly. I think the ideas that are perpetuated around the concept of “work-life balance” are hurtful rather than helpful. I think this illusion of balance creates angst rather than acuity. It perpetrates unrealistic, unhealthy, and unattainable thinking about how we live our lives.
They may not have specific tasks or deliverables. They may have a nicer office, an assistant and a group of people at their bidding. There is no production board, no productivity targets, no product stacked neatly on a skid at the end of a day. We all scratch our heads sometime. What does a leader do?
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